For some time now I have been stuck in a holding pattern. Waiting. Just Waiting. But what exactly I have been waiting for, I am not entirely sure about. With this month's new moon I have been contemplating the reason why I am always waiting on the dock. When will this wait be over? My motto for this month's new moon was to do only those things that I wanted to do. To honour my own hopes and desires instead of everyone else's. To honour my boundaries in a healthy way.
For most of my adult life I have been putting my own wants or needs on the back burner in order to take care of my husband, my son, or even friends. I used to think well, it's only temporary. I'm only temporarily waiting to start my own business or to go back to school because my son was little or my husband's career was more important than my own. My son starts University in September this year so the waiting will have to hold on for at least another four years. This is an important four years for my son and my whole family so the wait is worth it.
As for my career, I've created this holding pattern all on my own. I could have started a new career or went back to school at any time. Sure it would have taken longer to go back to college while my son was little but does that really matter in the long run? I once read an inspirational article a long time ago about an 80 year old woman that went back to university for her doctorate. When she was asked why she did so at that age she said "well, I was going to turn 80 years old anyway whether I went back to school or not!" So I guess 47 really isn't that old to start over after all. I am still thinking about going back to school lately. I'm just not sure what field to go into or where to put my all my energy next. It's a big decision that will cost a ton of money if I do go forward with it.
In the past I have always put all my energy and talent into other people's businesses. When I worked in retail, I put all my time and energy into selling or merchandising for huge companies. When I wrote movie reviews, I did it for a larger website instead of my own at first. And even recently I put my sewing talent to use for someone else's business. That's enough of that! It's time for me to start doing things for myself. If I only put in half that energy on my own business as I did for all those other people I would be very successful by now. Why is it so much easier for me to do things for other people instead of myself?
It's time to stop waiting on my ship to just show up. If I want it, I have to go and get it. It's time to step into my own life fully. To enjoy everything that comes along. To jump in with both feet so I'm not waiting and wanting something else. Something bigger and better will come if I just step up to the task!